Reading with a Side of Life

“Write down your dreams, hopes, and desires on a slip of paper, and burn them. My mother used to call it writing love letter to the universe. Set your intentions and trust yourself to follow through.” Fiona

• Overall: ⭐⭐⭐
• Characters: 👍👍👍
• Spicy: N/A
• Writing: 🖊️🖊️🖊️
• Narration: 🗣️🗣️🗣️

If you do not want to read this breakdown in fear of spoilers, please feel free to go here for a video breakdown of the review. Please click here to buy this book because your astrological sign told you that you should do something for yourself today.

WTF Just Happened: Book Breakdown

Penelope in Retrograde had me in a full astrological turmoil. One second I was laughing at Penelope’s chaotic choices, the next I was wanting to lap her for not being more considerate of her sister, sending good vibes to her dad, and really really wanting to hang out with grandma. It’s witty, raw, and painfully self-aware. This book doesn’t politely knock on your door and asks if you are okay. It shoves its way in like the bitch owns the place, throws your crystals into a salt circle, and screams “RECKON WITH YOUR PAST, BABE!”

Penelope is a slightly frazzled romance author who heads back to her tiny hometown for Thanksgiving, not for the turkey—but to ask her dad a major favor. But in pure romance trope fashion , her journey starts with the ultimate small-town rom-com chaos: she ends up carpooling with her ex-husband. Yep. That’s not a metaphor. It’s an actual shared vehicle. Naturally, awkward tension and unresolved emotional baggage join them in the backseat along with some cannabis doggie treats. Once they arrive, Penelope gets thrown headfirst into a family reunion full of wine, the Bachelor, grief of losing someone she loved, and what the hell is happening moments. Her sister? A whole vibe. She’s getting married, dropping bombshells, and serving truth with a side of sass in most cases Penelope totally earns.

Meanwhile, Penelope’s well-meaning dad tries to wingman her back into the dating pool by inviting over a Kentucky hottie who basically yells “yeehaw” in emotional support. Like seriously, he pretends to be her boyfriend to get back at her ex AND out of golf *swoon*. He comes with his own set of secrets, charm, and surprises—because of course he does. This book is holiday madness, family chaos, emotional growth, and unhinged comedy all baked into a pie and served with a side of awkward dinner conversation that may be assisted with some ganja. Basically? The perfect messy rom-com to spiral with.

Would I force my friends to read this book?

Oh, absolutely, and I kind of did. This was the second time I re-read this book because when I first read it, I was not in the business of blogging, and now I am and wanted to give you, my very own smut coven, an honest review. I would not just force them—I literally finished listening to the audio version of this book during a twelve-hour car ride to Florida and played this book because I knew my witchy sister would love it and also wanted to expose my family to some awesome literature. This is one of those reads you must discuss with a bottle of wine and a group chat or, at the very least, a group text. “Read this or we’re no longer friends” energy. The girl power in this book is… T.L. Swan meets Fleetwood Mac. The kind of book that makes you feel seen, dragged, comforted, and re-parented in the same paragraph. If you’re emotionally constipated, this book will fix that.

Tropes, Tea, and Twists

• Second-chance romance
• Having faith that you can be a boss-ass bitch
• Being friends with your ex
• First loves turn sour.
• Not living up to parental expectations
• Give it up for LGBTQIA+ positivity books.
• Marijuana making everything absolutely hilarious
• Dog chaos and causing connections
• Small town healing
• Parent’s needing the love as they age
• Sibling support
• Forced proximity
• Mother-daughter generational trauma with a side of astrology and little flower-power action
• Deep character redemption arc that actually makes sense and makes you say, -Good for you.
• Twin-drama
• Traveling and hoping love travels with you
• Plot twist I did not see that coming, which made me gasp out loud like I was in a telenovela.

Author Vibes: Was the writing GIVINGGGG?

This was my first book that I read by Brooke Abrams and I must say–she understood the assignment. Her prose is like a best friend spilling tea over iced coffee while emotionally unraveling. I wanted to be apart of the smut coven. I wanted to be able to have besties that I connected to in such a real way. Her writing is equal parts snark and sincerity which is basically my entire personality if I do say so myself. She blends bite-sized wit with long-form feels, and I ate every word up like a Thanksgiving turkey. If Taylor Jenkins Reid and Tessa Bailey had a love child with a Scorpio moon? That’s Brooke. I loved that I felt like we were having a bad-ass conversation in which I consistently laughed out loud. Who doesn’t love a friend who is funny AF?

Voices in My Head, Book Edition

If you audiobook this—bless your ears. The narrator, Eva Kaminsky, get Penelope. I knew that I had heard the voice before but I did not know where. As always, I do not look up what the narrators look like but I like to give vocal props where vocal props are due. Eva nailed her sarcastic inner monologue, panic spirals, and emotionally constipated introspection with a Virgo twist. According to Audible, this narrator vocal queen has been the voice actor for 373 books.

Which I give major slow claps for. Out of her triple digit audible take down, I have read Booked for the Holidays and Holiday Hideaway: A Short Story. I also may have added at least a dozen more books in my TBR list…which I did not need but some of the books looked too good to pass up. Eva seems like she rocks the romantic vocal scene with a side of fantasy and a touch of children’s books. Can someone say, range?

Books Fictional Coordinates

Let’s take a location roll call:

San Diego, California– Oh honey, San Diego International Airport (aka SAN, aka “I hope you like walking!”) is its own main character from the jump with Penelope not thinking she can even make it to her rideshare ride.

San Francisco, California-San Francisco: where the fog has a name (it’s Carl), the rent is higher than your credit score, and every hill feels like a personal attack. It’s tech bros, vintage bookstores, $17 toast, and absolutely zero parking. Iconic chaos in a fleece vest. This is where Penelope and the smut coven is actually live. Her parents and sister currently live in Coronado Island which is just off of San Diego. I have been here and OMG-the Chinese food is by far worth the price and the vibes give as long as your in the right side of the fog.

Coronado Island, California– Yes a real freaking place! I legit thought this place was made up because it sounded to peaceful to be real. According to the World Wide Web, Coronado is basically the prom queen of seaside towns in California—charming, historic, and definitely knows it. Tucked into San Diego County like a bougie little secret, this ocean village serves “nautical chic” with a side of real estate envy. And yes, “Coronado” means “Crowned,” because even the town name wears a tiara.

Dubai-Where the skyline sparkles harder than your emotional baggage. This is where Smith and Penelope live for a moment with Smith’s family. It is really quite amazing and where Penny really finds herself here. But also where the demise of her marriage to Smith also breaks down.

Expectations, Stereotypes, & Other Fun Lies

You think you’re walking into a quirky, astrology-soaked rom-com? Think again, star child. This book does come with retrograde metaphors and horoscopes, but it hits you with emotional depth, parental wounds, and the kind of female rage that makes you want to scream into a pillow—then make a vision board.

• Always the fuck up-Penny is described as the flake or the one that is always messing something up. From her teenage years to her award winning writing still isn’t enough to dismiss her mess. Granted-she does get kind of annoying at times with how self-absorbed she is.
• The Ex is always trash– I actually really loved Smith throughout the book. Not everyone’s ex is a trash-but Penny definitely makes him out to be with a full out lie to her family. She did not want to admit defeat but if she would have just been honest with herself and with her family-I think that they would still be together.
• Sisters-Besties or Mortal Enemies? Since Penny and Phoebe are twins they were pretty much inseparable until college when they started to really find themselves. The book goes over the support they give each other along the way through Penny showing love when Phoebe comes out as a lesbian and when Phoebe supports Penny dropping out of college to go after her passion. But Penny will not get out of her own way and does not give Phoebe the same grace as she gives Penny.
• Lesbians in Fiction= Token vibes given. Phoebe is with Falon and their love is GIVING. I love how Falon does not get in the middle of the sibling throws but really shows that she is part of the family. But there are vibes that they move really fast even though the book takes place over just a few days so it is purely assumption.
• Single Women at 30+ = Bitter Wine Aunts. Penelope’s journey is a beautiful middle finger to this tired trope. She’s messy, yes—but she’s also ambitious, smart, vulnerable, and not defined by her relationship status.
• Nana’s living their best life. Leave it up to Nana to really bring the family down to the chilliest vibes. When did being an older Southern lady mean that you are uptight and boring? Has Betty White taught you nothing?

• Parents have a favorite. Yes, Phoebe does do what her father wants her to do and yes Penny’s family does dismiss her at times but that is because they try to hard to just not have drama for one freaking holiday. But also, Penny doesn’t exactly do herself any favors with only sharing the worst parts of herself.

This might be ‘a lot’ for some…Or you may like it.

Trigger/Content Warnings:

• Parental health concerns, death, & grief
• Estranged family relationships
• Mental health spirals
• Weed soaked weird moments
• Sibling passive-aggressive moments
• Disappointing your loved ones
• Panic attacks
• Emotional abuse references
• Burnout and overwork
• Cheating via proxy
• Parental Abandonment
• Alcohol use

This book doesn’t just touch trauma. It hugs it, unpacks it, slaps it around, then sends it off with a therapist’s phone number.

The Plot’s Favorite Children

• Penelope “Penny” Banks– A successful romance author in a creative and personal funk that is just trying to do right by her smut coven. She has daddy issues from thinking that she has disappointed him by not following in her footsteps. She is also divorced from Smith who was her childhood best friend and very much in love with his rock-star family that gives major Fleetwood Mac vibes. She navigates unresolved family issues, relationship history, and her own spiraling emotions. Basically, she’s having a retrograde… in all the ways. Kind of selfish and full of flaws but equally as funny and up for self discovery.
• Smith Mackenzie– the ex. The childhood bestie. The one and only vermouth hating lover boy who went off and followed his dreams and left her to find herself. Penny’s family never really liked him because of his hippie family but honestly-he isn’t that bad. He has love for Penny until the very end and if she would have just been honest with him I think they would have found their cosmic connection to be together forever.
• Phoebe Banks-This is Penelope’s twin. They haven’t looked identical since children but their love has always been there. Phoebe is the “good one”. The one that followed in her father’s footsteps graduating from Princeton University and living her best life with Falon. Phoebe does have Penny’s back 90% of the book but I totally get why she has so much resentment towards Penny throughout the book. Phoebe can not help that she did good in college and enjoys spending time with her parents. I truly felt for her throughout the book. She is craving the main character vibes she so deserves.

Backup Dancers of the Plot

• Grandmother Rosie– Oh this southern belle of a Nana serves in all the best ways. Granted-she thinks that her daughter can’t cook (she can’t) and she is one step away from a felony count in her garden. But who are we to judge? She always seems to have her granddaughter’s backs and then some.
• Sylvia Banks– Penny and Phoebe’s mother. Always the prime example of what it takes to be the supportive housewife- Sylvia seems to be equal amounts judgmental to supportive. She wants the very best for her daughter’s but is a bit misinformed through feminist stereotypes and upbringing.
• Carter Banks– The uptight financially savvy father who wants the very best for his girls even if it is not what they want for themselves. He often puts them into situations to be the very best versions of themselves or the very worst. Unfortunately, Penny seems to fall into that worst category.
• Martin Butler – The tall drink of sweet tea from Kentucky who looks like a Hemsworth, acts like a Hallmark movie leading man, and walks into Penelope’s life as her Thanksgiving blind date but ends up being a fake boyfriend to make Smith jealous. Martin’s got charm and a whole lot of secrets tucked into his southern roots. From stretching the truth to impress the boss (hi, Carter 👀) to carrying some emotional luggage of his own, this man is more than meets the jawline. Is he a distraction? A disaster? Or a dark horse with a redemption arc? Either way, he’s bringing drama to dinner in the same way ninja skunks do.
• Falon– This is Phoebe’s love. Her finance if you will. She seems to be the sane one in the family and ends up also being the most heroic character in the books. This chick really has her head on her shoulder’s and somehow ends up keeping the peace between the Banks family during multiple occasions without dotting that line of not having her finance’s back. She gets the sister’s in the only way someone being married into the family can.
• Chelsey and Jackie– With the stars lining up, these two women help form The Smut Coven. Both are romance writer’s as well, they help form the fantastic trio. Jackie is a Virgo-very business savvy and good with numbers. Chelsey is a Cancer and is always the voice of reason and kindness. Penny really leans on them to keep her grounded and they have her back even if they help cause some of the chaos. The Smut Coven want to open a bookstore that has more of a spotlight for romance novels but also a place where readers can go and share similar thoughts and feelings. But Penny needs to wait for just the right time to bring up the idea to her father.
• Fiona Mackenzie– This is the bad ass mother of Smith. She is a rocker. A jet setter. A wordsmith that blesses souls and charges crystals. She loves Penny like her own but also loves she is her own person. She is the reason why Penny follows her dreams.

Highlighter Worthy Moments

“Do not swear by the moon, for she changes constantly.”- adapted from William Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet

“They like their bedsheets to have hospital corners, their drinks to have coasters, and their daughters to have night reliable jobs with health benefits. They’d also prefer their thirtysomthing-year-old daughters to be married and stay married, though they’re completely find with the chosen spouse being male, female, or any gender in between. They’re old fashioned, not assholes.”- Penelope Chapter 1, PG 2

“To my parents, I’m basically a human version of an air plant. I’m alive and thriving, but they don’t really understand the science behind it.”-Penelope Chapter 1, PG 2

“They’re just so radially different from me that whenever we spend time together, we always end up turning into the worst versions of ourselves.”-Penelope Chapter 1, PG 6

“Because that’s what boos are made for. They’re made to connect you to people, real or fictional, even when you feel like you’re completely alone.”- Penelope Chapter 16, PG 149

“Your main character has no depth, she told me. You’ve made her so perfect, she’s boring. People don’t read books about perfect people. Perfection doesn’t speak to the soul. Perfection is the antithesis of soul. If you’re going to write, you must write fearlessly. You have to let yourself go. Be willing to be ugly and unfinished. Lay your soul naked and bare. Anything less is a waste of time.” Fiona to Penny Chapter 19, PG 172

“It’s not the beginning that’s painful in my opinion. It’s the ending that came before it. New moons represent that too. The end of one phase and beginning of a new”- Fiona to Penny Chapter 24 PG 223

“We don’t always get to choose when one phase ends and another begins, but we can choose how we face it.” Fiona to Penny Chapter 24. PG 223

“Happiness isn’t a place you go back to. Happiness is a place you build and rebuild and then tear down and remodel a thousand times over inside you.” Fiona to Penny Chapter 24, PG 223

“Write down your dreams, hopes, and desires on a slip of paper, and burn them. My mother used to call it writing love letter to the universe. Set your intentions and trust yourself to follow through.” Fiona to Penny Chapter 24, PG 224