Hello to all my weirdos, this blog post is a little different from what I normally do, but I feel that it is much needed. How do I know that? I’ve experienced it firsthand. Some of my friends are living it, and I see people on social media are no longer showing all the fun and shiny parts of their lives.
Fun fact: I just quit a job I loved because of the work culture. This is not the only job I have left because of the massive amount of toxicity that I was exposed to. But over time, I learned a few tips and tricks from previous positions on how to overcome and still achieve my goals. Obviously I am not going to name the place because I don’t want to get sued. Sorry, but like I just said…I quit my job. I can’t afford to have my verbal balls flapping in the wind like that out of pure courage with a dash of hopes and dreams.
So, what are some of the things that helped me keep my sanity along with not losing the confidence of being the badass bitch I know I am? Let’s dive in.
1. Know Your Worth (and Stop Apologizing for It)
There were times when I was working six days a week, weekends, and holidays and still was getting verbally swatted down like a pesky little ant. If it was not their idea, then it upset them. I once even was yelled at for buying things with my own money…excuse me? If I want to buy snacks for my coworkers out of my own pocket, who are you to tell me I can’t?
What did I do? Well-
- I practiced affirmations:
“I deserve to be respected at work.”
“Life is too short to be unhappy at your job.”
“I know what I am doing is right and is making a difference in the world.”
I am a firm believer that what you think in your head becomes truth. If you say that you’re worthless to yourself, your brain starts to believe that. Same for body issues. If you look in the mirror and call yourself fat and ugly, your brain starts to believe that you are indeed fat and ugly. Why do that to yourself? The world is so heartless already; you better be the nicest person to yourself and then treat others with the same kindness. But never treat others better than you treat yourself. You got this! - Research average salaries and job descriptions to quantify your value.
Granted, I was not doing my job for the money. After working jobs where I didn’t fill my emotional karma bucket, I decided to get a job where I felt like I could make a difference in the world. But we all need money, honey. Life revolves around that ever-trending-down American dollar. If you are doing the work of three people, make sure your check reflects that. - Wellness tip: journaling for self-worth—write down daily wins.
Write down the good you did that day, even if it was that you didn’t slap a hoe for talking trash. You let someone pull out in front of you, and you didn’t honk or flip them off. You went all day without having a soda pop even though you really, really needed the caffeine and sugar boost.
Writing down the little things reminds your brain and your whole soul that things were not complete shit. You woke up, which is a blessing within itself. You had food to eat. You are able to physically work at a job no matter what that job is. Write down your worth. Know your worth. Reflect and meditate on your worth.
2. Set Boundaries Like a Pro
This was something that I found harder to do, but as the day-after-day toxic behavior of those above me continued, I decided to not only voice my boundaries but also stop taking blame for actions. If my boss made a decision that another manager did not like, then I would forward them the email or provide a date on which the event happened and be pretty much like, “I do not like the way that this decision is being placed on me when I did not make the decision but followed the decision because it is what my superior wanted me to do.” Talk with them if you do not like it. It is above my pay grade.
- Clearly define your “yes” and “no” at work.
If you do not want to do a specific task at work, work an additional shift, come in on your day off, etc., then YOU DO NOT HAVE TO. Set the boundary. Respect yourself more than you need their respect. If an employer is asking you to go above and beyond when you do not get compensated for the work, and they do not even compensate you with a pat on the back and a thank you? Why do it?
I am not saying do not help out coworkers or disrespect your employers. Do what is right for your mental health and physical well-being. We are no longer the workforce that if we went beyond our job titles, we would get raises, promotions, and invitations to the holiday dinners, and we would one day be able to look back at where we started. Yes, you can grow within a company, but it is much harder, and more people are wanting a better work-life balance…as we should. - Use polite- but firm scripts for declining extra tasks.
This is important to protect your job as well as to not let them catch you up in some red tape that they can use to their advantage. If you are respectful but clear that you are willing to do what your job description entails but no more, then they cannot twist it as if you’re not a team player. No sir—you are not looping me in to “any other tasks that the employer may need you to perform.”
3. Document Everything…and I mean EVERYTHING
Most employers will say that all intellectual property is owned by the company if your work is on a company computer or even if you try to save it to your own email. Which, in my opinion, is not right. It was my idea, my hard work, and my dedication that advanced this idea that is benefiting you, and I do not even get to put it in my samples to show my next employer? Rude. However, there are some things that you can keep records of or ensure before you submit the work or get hired that you are able to keep the property produced by you. When you are hired, you do not think that you applied to a toxic work environment, but here we are. Floating around in toxic waste.
That phone call you get, record it on your phone showing who called, the time, and the date if your state does not have a two-party consent law. Oh, your boss requested to have a conversation “off camera”? Um, no thank you. That email where there is blatant disrespect? I’ll keep that little receipt.
Tips:
- Keep a digital or handwritten log of requests, PTO denials, and unfair treatment.
- Use apps like Notion or OneNote for organization.
4. Prioritize Self-Care Outside of Work
No matter what shift you work or even what days of the week you work, you can find self-care for all my burned-out employees like I did. I used to wake up in the morning and exercise. Yes, I am a plus-size baddie, but I can kick your ass running up that hill and can kayak race like a beast. Don’t try me. Or do I? I love being underestimated.
But then I found that I was staying up later and later trying to avoid the “tomorrow.” Like I said earlier, waking up every day is a blessing itself. Why was I avoiding my blessing? I was burned out. So, to avoid a burned-out soul that is created by your job, you need to create a wellness routine. It can be in the morning or night.
I tend to play video games or read a book (obviously :D). Readingwithasideoflife.com has also been a good self-care routine where I can let my creative juices (get your head out of the gutter) flow and reach out to those who may need a deeper dive into a book or even figure out how to not hate their job.
Try to do a few things—they can be as big or as small as you want—and gradually increase as the habit gets easier. Do that five-minute yoga routine. Meditate while the house is quiet. Try that skincare routine you saw trending on TikTok by Nina Poole (trust me—she is amazing). Or read a book; I only have about a million recommendations on my website or TikTok.
One thing that I started to do in the morning was a digital detox before work to really center my mind and my goals for the day. This can also be done after work to reset your chakra and actually be able to relax at work without your mind racing or having those arguments in your brain of things that you wish you would have said to that person that was totally rude to you today.
5. Practice Calm but Direct Communication
Fellow weirdos may not know this about me, but I love psychology. I love to read about it. I loved it while I was getting my B.A. One of my favorite things that I learned in psychology? Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) practices. You may be asking, what does that mean? In this case, a way that you can, in the moment, be very aware of your wording and the way you physically appear to a co-worker. Here are some tips:
- Use “I” Statements
- Do not put blame on others in your wording. Instead of saying “You always interrupt me when I talk.” Say: “I feel frustrated when I am interrupted while speaking because I need to finish my point.”
- Stand firm. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Be that broken record with out saying sorry or providing an excuse if not required. Example:
- Boss: “I need you to stay late again.”
- You: “I understand, but I can’t stay late tonight.”
- Boss: “It’s really important and I need you to stay late. Susan called out again and we have no one to cover her shift.”
- You: “I understand, but I can’t stay late tonight.”
- Fogging
What is fogging? It is being able to agree to disagree. Agree that there is some small truth to what they are saying, even if its from their point of view but don’t get defensive. A real life example where I used this:- Boss: “Why do you work here?”
- Me: “I want to make a difference.”
- Boss: “You will never do that here.”
- Me: “I can see how it might come off that way. But I still want to try to make a difference. I know I can.”
Another real life example: - Boss: “My ***** is here to do a job and said you were rude. Do not be rude to my *****.”
- Me: “I apologize if I came off that way to her and that was not my intent but I would like to share how my view on the situation.”
- Just Admit It
- If you make a mistake, just admit that you made the mistake. We are all human, and we all make mistakes. Here is how you address the mistake while keeping your confidence and avoiding over-apologizing, so they don’t use the information against you later on.
- Example: “Yes, I did make an error in that report. I’ve corrected it, and here’s my plan to avoid it in the future.”
- Negative Inquiry
- Boss: “Your work isn’t good enough. This is not what I wanted.”
- You: “Can you be specific about what part isn’t meeting expectations?”
- The DESC Script (Describe, Express, Specify, Consequences).
A real life example:- Describe the situation: “When my PTO is denied after it’s approved…”
- Express feelings: “…I feel disrespected and overlooked.”
- Specify what you want: “I’d like confirmation that approved PTO remains valid.”
- Consequences: “That way, I can plan with confidence and stay focused at work.”
- The Power of the Pause
- Instead of providing a response right away when your boss asks you to do something or asks you to commit to an event.
Think about it. Let it settle in your day.
You could have been doing a completely different task, and in the moment you are asked the question, it sounds fine. Sure—I don’t mind staying late. But then five o’clock came around, and you are now exhausted and begging to be at home curled up with your dog. So instead, say “Let me get back to you” or “Let me check my schedule.” This prevents overcommitment and lets you readily think about if you want to do what they are asking or not.
- Instead of providing a response right away when your boss asks you to do something or asks you to commit to an event.
6. Build Your Support Network
I am telling you, if it was not for my girlies at work, my soul would have died a cruel, miserable death. I found solace in being able to have their backs, and they have mine. They got to see the toxic environment, letting me know that I was not overreactive or hormonal. The shit that was happening is really happening. I wasn’t crazy. They would make me laugh when I wanted to cry. They made the job fun. They reminded me why I was there and refreshed my dream of wanting to make a difference. So find safe coworkers, mentors, or online communities. I also like using LinkedIn to remind myself that there are people out there trying to create a healthier professional workspace.
7. Lean on Stress-Relief Practices
When your work bestie isn’t working that day or your day is putting you through the paces. I have to remind myself to practice short self-care stress relief practices like:
- Use breathwork, mindfulness, or guided meditation apps like Calm or Headspace.
If that didn’t work, there is something else: cold plunge or shower therapy. I am not kidding. Cold shower therapy has been shown to improve circulation, boost alertness, and reduce muscle soreness by stimulating the body’s natural stress response and increasing blood flow. Studies also suggest it may enhance mood by triggering the release of endorphins and activating the nervous system in a way that reduces symptoms of anxiety and depression.
8. Use PTO and Breaks Intentionally
I think that America is one of the few countries that doesn’t encourage people to use the time off that they earn throughout the workweek. Other countries give mental health days and encourage you to use your PTO fully. Even if you feel like you need to use your PTO to travel—you don’t. Take a mini wellness retreat at home. Do all the self-care that you do not give yourself throughout the day. Go on a nature hike (weather permitting), or do something that I do—have a book marathon while playing Palia or Sims 4. It. Is. AMAZING! You go back to work feeling the bliss of an extra-long weekend and mentally ready to handle anything that comes your way. Your mental health days really do have work benefits.
9. Keep Your Exit Strategy Ready
When I started feeling down about myself, I was always getting “talked to” or put on probation for actions that I had no control over… I knew I needed to start forming an exit strategy. I started seeing what other jobs were out there that could fulfill my emotional wants. Were there jobs out there that I could use my vast knowledge from health care to HVAC for? Can I make a difference there? Help those around me? Even if that’s not your goal. Even if you just want that coin—that is okay because that is what fills your cup, and that is all that matters. I updated my resume with all the fantastic things I had been able to accomplish while I was at my current job. It is easier when you’re surrounded by all the things that you can put on your resume. I started looking at TikTok and LinkedIn and downloaded Indeed again. But remember: Quiet quitting is a temporary survival tactic. It will not make you happy if your environment is still holding you down like a hockey player after a puck.
10. Remember: Walking Away is Power
Ultimately this is what I decided to do. I loved my coworkers. I loved helping the community. I loved the job itself. I even still believe that the overall corporation is amazing. Just not the management that I worked with. I knew once my favorite people started dropping like flies and in their resignation letters noted how they were treated and even how I was treated that it was time to go. Like I told them. I am not a martyr. Why was I giving them advice I was not taking myself?
I decided that I had to leave. I could have just not shown up one day and said peace. There is power in that. But I wanted to get back to the baddie that I knew I was on the inside. It was not like me to burn bridges. I wanted to. Man…I really, really wanted to. But I put in a two weeks’ notice and saved my inner peace from the guilt I knew that would probably cause.
Choosing to leave is not failure—it is choosing self-respect. Protect your peace at all times. Choose your peace over staying in a toxic environment with never-ending toxic cycles. The best revenge is to thrive in your new role with your newfoundconfidence.
Conclusion
Know that you are not alone. Not every place is right for every person, and that is okay. I think we have this idea about a job because they make it sound so appealing in the job description, or that recruiter really knew how to make shit smell like roses. It is of the utmost importance that you encourage them to protect your energy, mental health, and career growth. I
If you have had a shitty experience at a job or self-care rituals that you use, please drop them in the comments. I would love to hear your bad job experiences or try your routine. Until next time, weirdos.
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